How I Learned That 'Nothing-Ever-Goes-Exactly-As-You-Plan-It-In-Your-Head' Without Leaving My Bedroom
So sitting in my bedroom tonight, I was feeling kinda down in the dumps. Too often lately, time seems to be moving way too fast. But earlier this year, I had promised to make a few life changes, one of them being complete happiness. I'm not saying its wrong to be sad, I just don't want to spend any of my time unhappy. I have learned that happiness is a choice, and not something you can cling to desperately. It has to come naturally. But there is a time for everything and all good things must end, in this case, happiness, at least thats what I began to tell myself tonight, until something occurred to me. I am healthy, I have wonderful friends, and even if my family relationships aren't the best, I'm in a household that is whole and loving. Sure, my petty problems help make me who I am, but if they make me sad and I let that happen, then who am I? A lazy bum who wallows in her own self pitty? No sir. Deciding I would immediately make myself feel better, I sat down to work on my ever so colorful oil pastel abstract project for my 2D drawing class. I guess its coming along, but not how I had pictured it in my head. I can't explain to you how much this was bugging me and how much it contributed to my awful mood.
"Its just an art project, you've barely started, chill out," I kept telling myself. But nope, I was just about ready to spew forth the venom of satanous demons if anyone dared to comment on the project. It just didn't live up to my hopeful expectations.
Again I started to feel sorry for myself, getting ready to throw a pity party, I was reminded of last weekend. After the productions of our school play, a few of us left the cast parties headed over to St. John's, where my friend Michael locks up every night. On the second night of the production, we left the party in low spirits, it wasn't how I had hoped the night would go and in fact, I was just ready to go home. But we got to St. John's and it was a great night. Michael played piano and we all talked and sang and danced and had a great time. Needless to say, that night was not what I expected. I was hoping for a fun, late night out with my friends in the cast, playing Just Dance and having countless sugar rushes before I finally crashed, not a night in a closed, quite church, playing music with some awesome people. But I like what I got much better than what I had hoped for.
I noticed a patern in my life then, so many times, whether it be parties, or school, or just any unexpected news; my life continuelly surprises me for better or for worse. Looking back even a year ago, I wouldn't have pictured who I am now to have taken over that young self concious girl. I have delt pretty well with what this year has given me, even though none of it was how I planned my highschool years in my head. I didn't plan for any of this, the good or the bad, but whats its given me has just about made up for all the ruined plans and disappointing art projects.
So what with our little adventures and other happenings of these past months, this year has not only presented me with happiness, but also with some sadness. None of this is what I expected but I guess thats ok, because I wouldn't have ever expected this and I like it better than my expectations. So just because this year, or this art project, or last summer, or last week's late night outings didn't play out as I had planned it in my head, its okay because, it all ended up being more than ok. So I'm quite proud of myself, being able to relate my struggling with an art assignment to a pretty descent life lesson without leaving my bedroom.
Now, time to get working on that abstract...
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Believe it or not, its actually an enlarged solarized version a a headband Madona wore in a 2009 Vogue shoot with Louis Vuitton...
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