Better Late Than Never?

Well. Unexpected. That's all I can say about you.
I'm not really sure what to feel.
Are we a thing?
I hate that term.
Are we dating?
One date, and the car broke down and nearly left us stranded on Randall.
I was trying to act calm, but you knew I was freaking out.
And then we saw a movie and sat too close and it made me wonder what we were doing.
And then you and I went to the mall and sat at the fountain.
Slowly, our feet made their way in.
Then our legs.
Then our bodies.
And are you serious?
Dance in a fountain?
Okay.
And then you put your arm around me and kissed my forehead.
And then my mouth.
And then my mind went like this:
He kissed me.
Oh my gosh.
That shouldn't have happened.
Why not?
There's nothing wrong with that.
He's so cute.
But relationships, they go like this for me:
I like you.
Wow, this is actually happening.
Do I really want this?
Yes.
No.
Yes.
No.
Maybe?
I hate people.
I want to love people.
What is everyone going to think?
I'll ask.
I'll only tell my BEST friends.
Okay, well they're all my best friends so I have to tell each of them.
Some of them like the idea.
Some don't.
Most do.
Which makes me then over think.
Oh no.
What did I get myself into?
Don't be more invested than he is.
I really like him.
I need to break up with him.
Why?
I just do.
Start a stupid fight.
I never talk to him the same way again.


It's all too teenage to handle.


When you went to hold my hand I made it severely awkward.
Not on purpose.
I'm just like that and you'll have to wait for me to grow comfortable enough around you for me to act completely natural.
I've told you things I don't tell people often.
We were friends.
I hope we still can be even if more is added to our relationship.
We went down to the lake and made bird calls.
Only with you would I end up doing that.
We talked about serious stuff on the way home.
College.
Work.
Family.

This is how it went:

Are you going to tell your family?
Tell them What?
About us.
Well I guess. I told them we were just friends though. I guess we were.
Well now that's different, right? You should tell them. I'd like to meet them. And do the whole interview thing with your Dad.
*Gulp*Yeah... Okay. If I get that job, we'll be working right next to each other.
I'll come visit you.
*Is seriously happening???* And I'll visit you.


You may never know this, but at that moment the freshman girl inside of me was jumping up and down.
I had it bad for you back then.
Like, walk-out-of-my-way-in-the-hallway-to-see-you even though a junior like you probably would only ever want to be friends.
So I gave up sophomore year on my hopes.
And one day you came and sat down next to me at lunch and just stayed everyday after that and my heart skipped a beat and I thought you had sat at the wrong table by accident.
We can at least be friends, I thought.
And then today happened and whoa.
Unexpected. That's all I can say.
But maybe I can also say I like you.
Here typing.
Because I'm supposed to be honest, right?
And I have a hard time being honest about my feelings.
Or showing affection or even speaking it around people.
Or just out loud.
Or letting people know.
Especially my family.
I know some of my family reads this.
So... That's my way of showing that maybe I can get over my weird fear of people knowing my emotions for you.

You kissed me in front of my sister.
That was big for me.
It's stupid but wow.
I don't do that.
I have never ever been brave enough to let people see me kiss.
It makes me second guess my feelings.
When they're all out in the open for everyone to see.
And I won't lie, after you left I freaked out.
But I can't sleep now.
So I've been thinking.
You're going to be in college come September.
I don't know if this will last that long.
But I'm willing to give this a shot?
I'm usually not so good at relationships.
Really actually I'm pretty bad.
I'll have to tell you about him.
It wouldn't be fair not to.
I'll probably have to tell other things too.
I guess that's how this works.

You kissed me.
And we'll have a lot to sort out given the circumstances.
But...
I guess it's better late than never.
Right?