The past few nights I have been out late at a local art studio and art therapy center called Artisticology. I have been honored to be selected as one of the artists working on a 10 foot piece to be displaed in the new World Class Performing Arts Center in Downtown Dundee. Apparantly this piece will be displayed for years (the director of the project said 50 years but I don't know if that's true). Architects who have worked on projects around the world (including lighting and acoustics in Versailles) are coming in to help design this building. It will be home to recording studios, art galleries, a 250 seat auditorium, etc. This place could really turn around a community, it's a great opportunity. This Friday is the Fundraiser to promote the project, 200 guests have been invited to "donate big money" and as one of the participants in the painting, I have been asked to attend to mingle and discuss witht the guests why the arts are important and talk about the new building. There will be live music, a jazz pianist from the city, vocal jazz group, dancers and improv groups. It seems like a pretty classy event. I like the people I have met while working on this. I feel so honored to be able to be apart of this. It truly is something great.
But one of the best people I've met through this is Trisha. She is the Artist and Art Therapist that I've been meeting with to plan the painting. She is like the grown up version of me in some ways. She owns her own business where she rents out space to artists, runs classes and workshops and practices art therapy with patients here and there while still keeping up with her own art on the side. That's kinda my dream. I want to have my own art studio one day. I want to be a councilor and help people through my love of art and music. And being in her studio just is so relaxing, the brick walls and unmatching chairs, old style suitcases as storage and paint everywhere is just my style. We both love mixed media art and share the same views on a lot of topics. It's another new experience, and I just love it.
We talked tonight about what it has been like for me this past month at my new job. About the moral dellemas it's caught me in, the unethical actions and behaviors of my coworkers. The strain its put me in with my family. She found herself in the same position in a job in the past and deals with patients facing the same things. And talking with her, and my dad and thinking it over myself, I realized I really am in quite a pickle.
I have only had this job for a month. But it caused me to miss out on vacation, family days, going away parties for friends, and it makes me miserable. When I met the boss, my coworkers, I liked them. I thought they were pretty vulgar, but I could handle it. But the more aquainted I've become the more I realized that this is not where I belong, in a place where everyone is treated poorly, I'm yelled at for things that aren't under my controll. I constantly feel pressured to do the wrong thing, I witness unethical behavior and feel morally conflicted. I walk on pins and needles, fearing anything I might say could get me fired. I can't ask for time off, I get held up for 2 hours after my shift ends with no pay, I work 8 and a half hour days with only a 20 minute break. On days I have to work, I feel so anxious, I hate going in. Its awful. And when I do get time with my friends, I can't even enjoy it because all I cant think about is how I'll have to go into work and be miserable. I have coworkers saying completely out of line an inapropriate things to me constantly, and here's the thing. I can handle language and vulgarity, but when innapropriate comments are directed at me, whether they be joking or not, I never react well. Maybe it's one of those things I just need to get over or whatever, but either way, I can't deal with it.
I felt trapped. I honestly had it in my mind that I couldn't just quit. What would they think of me if I quit? But then it occured to me, I don't like most of these people, if I quit, odds are I'll never see them again. Why should I care what they think? And nothing is keeping me there, I have a choice. I can leave whenever and its not up to them, it's up to me. I could quit and my misery would be over. I can get by with $20 a week from my parents. I'll budget. I babysit. And by this time, I've realized that the pros out weighed the cons and I knew it was time to end it. So I handed in my 2 week notice and I feel like I can breathe.
And then I drove over to Artisticology. I told Trisha about my little apifany and what I had done. And I painted, and had a wonderful time. And even though I have one week left I feel so happy already. I thought the job was going to give me freedom and independence but it was the opposite. Its not the commitment that I dislike, it's the work place. I learned from it though.
1.) The corporate world is not for me
2.) Never rush into anything
3.) My Dad is good at leading me to the right decisions
4.) People aren't always as good as they seem, so don't be too quick to judge
5.) You're never stuck, you can always choose to do something else. There is always another option.

So I'm still continuing my plan to be happy this year, and I think it's going pretty well. School starts up again next week. Trisha told me I can come into the studio any time I want and she will even keep me down to come in once in a while and help out when she is short on staff. I might get the chance at a babysitting job soon for a great family. I have a wonderful support system of friends and family and a budding relationship. Its time to be happy.
It's funny how things work out when you decide to let them.