So I have been thinking a lot about writings and how mine have changed over time. I have said before that I'm a closet writer. But this year I joined a club called writing club. I really thought it would improve my writing skills, allow me to be more outgoing and share my work with others. So I began to love this club. I really did for a while. Until it turned south and I found myself dreading it. I ended up quitting and I was pretty bummed because I thought now I wouldn't get to learn about new ways to write and improve. But I know how to write. I taught myself, I sit and I write. And don't let anyone tell you what you do is no good, because you are writting for yourself, not for them. As long as whatever you create, whether its poetry, stories, music or art, as long as its honest and comes from your real feelings, no one can tell you that its right or wrong. I don't need approval from strangers who read my work. Sure feedback is great but whatever I write is satisfying as long as I feel that it portrays the point and emotion I was going for. I love to write lyrics and full songs but they are usually kind of dark. But lately I haven't been able to write. Why? Because I don't have anything dark to write about. So, I sat down to write a happy song. First, here is my song from earlier this year:

I'm low on serotonin but its hardly got the best of me
I listened to her talk about typewriter keys, polaroids and a boy I once sang for
A melody incomplete, to keep him locked away, but it was him who got me.

And life was simpler for you
Before you were driving cars
When we'd talk on those phones with long, curly wires
And my feelings stayed in their routine
In time with the seasons
Now all I can say is you acted like a child that day
And now your name has been changed
All to protect your identity, and how its not wirth a thing

You were mostly self-employed
While I was up to my knees in kotachrome
And I tried to throw everything I owned out my parents' front door
I painted my self the color of your soul
I washed out the rainbow

And her ghost was there
Staring me down in the form of air
Everywhere I went, dragging her around
Facing the picture frames down
Two days later and you were gone.
Sulking around at that party
Well you were invited, I was not
No, their sign told me to keep out
You know why they want you now
You are
You blend
Into everything and anyone you or they or I want you to be
So who are you today?
As seen on t.v

So its time I stay clear of you
And when you gave me back
I found out I always leave with more things than I'd had
So when serotonin falls in love with one season
the others are bound to leave you mad.

Yeah. Now this is what I can write now:

"Honey, I'm fine"
And the sunflowers block my veiw
Sending messages from me to you
And the prisms shine through
Displaying his face and yours
on this stranger's bleached, sundrenched porch.
"Honey, I'm fine"
And its all overgrown
Like kudzu in june
Statues loom
Their eyes on you
"Honey, I'm fine"
As 5 come through
Your breathing, your stomache, your white feathered spirit.
Pitted for favor and pitied forever
Drowning in liquor
My only grandfather
Hearts preserved in Amber
Lying like chrystals
"Honey, I'm fine"
As the rickety door slams
Leaving Dave with his head in his hands
Small animals scatter, an angle's laughter
You are a healer
A new soul's adventure
Cocooned forever, one is another
"Honey, now I'll be fine"


I feel like the experience I got out of that club was that I don't need to please others with my work, I please others in different ways. My art can be for me and me alone, unless I choose to share it. Who are any of us to judge art in any form? Its expression. I open my work to the world in hopes that it will stir emotion in some ways, isn't that everyone else's goal? If we are all trying to reach that same goal, why put other artists down? Even if they are Justin Beiber. His work means a lot to people, so who am I to say its bad? I have even been beating myself up about my art projects for school, convinced that since I get a B on them that they aren't good enough, even if I'm genuinly proud of them when I turn them in. Thats wrong, finding the balance between form and passion is hard in art but you should never loose your creativity or love for what you're doing. Don't be afraid or unsatisfied with your work EVER, because it comes from you and that means more than any critic or grade. Everyone has the right to their opinion and sometimes its great to hear them, but I draw a line when  it comes to my music; I'll take your opinion into consideration but I will not change myself or my art for you. I may never be a professional musician or artist or celebrated poet, but hey, being involved in those things serves as a release for me, so I'll continue to do it even if others don't like it.