Without Music, Life Would Be A Mistake

      Ok, here it is. I knew this would come sooner or later, my blog about Conor Oberst. But its not just about him! Its also about music in general and what its done for me. This artistic genius, this boy wonder musical prodigy, this unnaturally talented man changed my life, for better or for worse. I first heard him in August 2005 while driving on a road trip to Pennsylvania with the family, and I hated him, he sounded like a whinny guy who put random words together creating nonsense and had an awful voice. But I was nine, so I hadn't really discovered folk music yet, or indie for that matter. But in the spring of fourth grade the radio played a song from his next album that would be released in April sometime. I was in the car with my dad driving to softball, my dreams set on becoming a pro outfielder. But the song, Four Winds, was turned up and I fell fast and hard. And that was that, never went back. The lyrics, the orchestra, the voice, everything caught me in a trance that I stayed in for about 5 years. All I wanted to be involved in was music. I learned piano, guitar, took classes, read books, watched countless tutorials and was overwhelmed with the idea of it being me on the stage performing my own songs. Seeing Conor Oberst in concert was like a dream and in the moment, I thought it was the place I was truly happy. But for you non-Conor-listeners (or even to indie music in general) its incredibly deep and dark, and like so many artists have said, Gotye for instance "...you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness...". Its completely true, the sad music made me happier than anything else, and thats fine, but it can get out of hand. Great music comes out of the deepest of emotions, in my opinion pain or suffering is the best inspiration, and thats what you need to write music like I was listening to. There was no balance, it was always sad music all the time, even when I wasn't sad. So, if I wanted to be a great musician like Conor Oberst, I would have to end up like that too, right? Self destructive and half insane. Well, that seemed a little unappealing to me. I countered that with the thought that if I hadn't listened to Conor, then I would have never found music, I wouldn't be able to relate to artists or even art in general. I know thats not true now though. I saw an interview with Conor that made me dislike him in a way that my other Conor Fan Friends didn't understand. He talked about drugs, doing hard drugs, and having to get wasted each time he gets on stage, he talked about how negativity seems to follow him, and just watching the video made me depressed for him. He said that even from his childhood, he knew he'd end up all broken and alone. WHAT???!! Thats not how I want to live. Ever. Thats not helping yourself or anyone, I realized Conor was supplying me with all things needed to wallow in undeserved and unreasoned self pity. I had no reason to be sad like him, its one thing to relate to his music but its another to be completely obsessed and absorbed in it. I didn't want to give that to people, the whole reason I wanted to be a musician or artist was to help people, show them that they aren't alone and there is always someone going through or thinking the same thing as you. But I don't think I could do that. So I began to think. How could I help people in that way, while still incorporating my love of music and art into it? And then we had a guest speaker at school. He was a councilor at a medical facility specializing in depression, eating disorders and substance abuse problems. I talked with him afterwards and he told me how rewarding it is to help these people realize whats out there and how to be happy and healthy. I was inspired by him and went home to research. What I came up with was information on counseling and art and music therapy and what it can do for struggling teens. Jobs at counseling facilities which would involve therapy sessions with the teens but also art projects, interactive music lessons and programs, taking them out on outings like hikes or picnics, all which are proven to help with disorders that are picked up throughout the teenage years. And I am still excited about it, I found that the more I talked about it, the more other people became interested in it as well. It seems like the perfect career and I wouldn't have ever come up with it if I hadn't listened to the Conor Oberst song in the car that spring almost six years ago. All the events, the people who have helped me understand this conclusion to start to reach this goal were put into motion from my love of music. Music showed me what I wanted by telling me all the things I didn't want, so thank you very much, Conor Oberst for putting your music out there, for me to realize that I love it but its not how I want to live. Its given me my own little peak at eternity. Some credit also goes to my dad for introducing me to music at a young age. Without it, I wouldn't have the outlook on life that I have now and I couldn't be more excited for the rest of my life.