So I've been having a heck of a summer. To say the least. One of the many things that has kept me so busy is the job hunt. I have been wanting a job, not needing, just wanting one very badly. But no one wants to hire me... Why? WHY?! I actually am not curious as to why because I know very well why I am not a desirable candidate for anything. I have absolutely no skills or experience and I'm of no use to society. The past 16 years I've literally only been absorbing and taking things I didn't work for. But so have most of my peers. There have been a few places in this area that have felt sorry enough for me to at least give me an interview. And wow. Have those gone bad, or what? Before you read any further watch this video.
Deadkevinsketch
My friends have recently gotten me hooked on these videos and before my interview at Buffalo Wild Wings, I thought I'd sit and watch a few to get my mind off things. Unfortunately, this did not help my reactions at my interview. After every question I had to remind myself not to begin my answer with "I'm glad you asked". This is how it went.
Me: Hello!
Interviewer: Hi. So, what do you think you have to offer this company?
Me: Uhm. Well, I uhm... I think. I uhm. I'm a good, a good worker. Who uh. Can be a team player. Ha sports. And cuz this is a sports bar. I don't do anything, I mean I finsh, I don't do things half way... I did a project for Espanol tres when my cumpanero was in France. So she, I new the grading scale was uhm, it would be fine if I didn't do the whole thing because Senora said so and but then I did it.
Interviewer: Ok then? Well. How do you handle stress?
Me: Oh. Well if my family history is, I know that stress is bad, and my great grandma went gray at 19 and so then that probably wasn't from stress. I, you know, yoga helps since I don't want to go gray, I do yoga. Chemistry is a stressfull class so I had a gray hair, but I cut it. Then my hair looked bad. But I mean, what, the point is I am good at stress, with stress I mean. Uhm I'm acting weird aren't I?
Interviewer: *Laughs awkwardly* I hate yoga.
Me: Why?
Interviewer: I can't do any of the positions.
Me: Oh, well anyone can really, you just have to practice!
Interviewer: Well I'm not going to because I hate it.
Me: Oh well ok.
Interviewer: So you're one of those girls that's into yoga and stuff. How refreshing. Oh wait...
Me: *Uncontrolled fit of nervous laughter lasting about 3 minutes*
(Later in the interview)
Interviewer: Well you seem like a perfectionist.
Me: Oh, but well. It's a. Uhm I like to be on top, I mean of like on top of things, not in th other way... (That's what she said?) Uhm! Yeah, well no. I'm an art and music student and I guess well you know. Like, I can toally appreciate and except people who are, well like anything. I. Mean. I. Can. App-re-ci-ate. Imperfections *Smiling like a lunatic* (At this point, a twitch I have been dealing with, which my doctor says is a lack of potassium in my body, decided to present itself...)
Interviewer: Your eye is twitch-
Me: YUP!!!
Interviewer: Ok. Well anyway, you seem a lot like an onion, would you agree?
Me: If that's what I am then I mean I am that then I guess?
Interviwer: I meant like Shrek. Get it?
Me: Except I'm not an Ogre... *More hysterical laughing*
I didn't get the job...
I have an Office Max interview coming up in Saturday. Hopefull I don't twitch or stutter or discuss my hair color in depth or the travel habits of my seat partner in high school spanish during this interview... Needless to say, I will be watching no DeadKevinSketch videos before hand.
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