Birds in Boxes

Birds in Boxes and Boxes of the Best Things
I used to keep a dead bird in a box, hidden away from my family's prying eyes. It made me feel better when I was sad.

 This week, I got a new pair of TOMS shoes. They are red and unfortunately, a size too big.
"Do they fit? Please try them on." My Dad pleaded.
Nope, I took the tags off too early, thinking I knew better. I don't.
Now I have a pair of shoes that hurt, but its a good kind of hurt. As I lay down in bed with the intention of sleeping, the box that the shoes came in is right at my eye level, constantly reminding me for the past few days of the One For One policy because I'm too lazy to take the box to the recycling. What if I need that box? I want to keep it with all of my other shoe boxes that I have saved in case I need them one day, plus its a box, why would I get rid of it? Plus it has a good little reminder written on it! Sidenote: I do find use for a shoe box at least once a year!


I kept a dead bird in a shoe box for a while when I was a kid. One summer, I found a oddly large number of abandonded baby birds in our backyard all within weeks of each other. one of them ended up drowning, one died in its sleep, one choked, and another was found mangled and bloodied to my confusion and horror as an emotional 12 year old. But James, a yellow finch was my favorite. He lasted outside in my old shoe box through two storms! It was his home, complete with a water bowl filled with marbles so he wouldn't drown like a previous one, food that was so miniscule in size it would be nearly impossible for him to choke on, and it was high enough that he couldn't jump out and to his death. I thought after all my practice I would be a pro at raising this bird in a shoe box. But he died. He stopped breathing and all I could do is watch him. I couldn't help, and he died. I just sat and watch this go on for a few minutes before it finally ended. Then I took the shoe box and placed it on the side of our house, placing tarp over it. For a good two weeks, I would go out and stare at my dead bird. Bugs crawled in and out of its skin, it smelled like old people and skunks and it was probably a little weird looking back on that now. But when I think of that summer, a remember the birds and how all the shoe boxes were Sketchers and Converse shoe boxes because thats what I wore then.And i kept things I loved in those boxes, in this case, a dead animal. I loved that bird. I couldn't let it go. I hated it for dying though. I had tried so hard for it, done everything to keep him alive. And he went and died anyway. In my hands for goodness sake. Ever since, I've had a habbit of keeping things I love in shoe boxes.

Now, my shoe boxes dispplay TOMS or Nordstrom instead of Sketchers. Boxes for high heals or sneakers or sandals. Boxes I use to keep pictures in, to store old papers and for projects. Some filled with broken jewlery or art supplies. So i took down this new box from my TOMS and looked at what I had put in it already.  Upon looking, I hadn;t realized it at the time, but I'd created a theme for my new box. In it was a movie ticket to see The Avengers, a recite from Goodwill from when my friends and I went to buy costumes for a movie we're making (a story from another time), and a visitor's name tag from when they all came to visit me in my art class after they had graduated.

I've been having a hard time lately, coming home to my house at the end of the day (or early morning) and not being around friends. Whether it be my close gang of girls or my beloved seniors, soon to be college freshmen. Its sinking in and I'm dreading their departure. They will go off and leave me. After I spent sop much time with them, tried so hard to do all I can to make these last months memorable. I want so bad for them to remember me when they leave me behind. But still, after everything they are going to leave. I can't hold them back, in fact, I'm excited to see how they change and grow while they're off, but I just wish they could pack me up and take me with so I can live under their beds or something...

And looking in the box made me flashback to my little bird, James. It was happening again. I was putting all my efforts into these people, like my beautiful bird. I'm doing all I can. But it will die, they will leave. And in the meantime, I'm packing them up in this box so I can go out and look at it when I'm feeling sad. I can swoon over these little things, keepsakes of a short period of time that I don't want to let go of. But eventually, I got rid of the box James was in. I set it out by our curb on a Wednesday morning and the garbage men took him away. And now I hardly think of him. So what if that happens with this box too?

Well I just can't let it. This isn't the same as my bird. I'm doing all I can for these people, yeah, and I love it. I'm here for them, and vice versa. I'm doing my best, thinking of others and trying to have a good time. Yes, they will leave, but maybe one day I'll look back on this summer and not break down and cry or be sad but actually be able to genuinly smile and be happy about it. Le Petit Prince. I didn't learn much from that bird, but I'm learning from these people, my best friends. So my box is symbolising what I've learned this summer. Here's what's in it so far:

1.) A baseball Michael and I found at the baseball feild on one of our runs. Importance: He inspired me that day to write a new short story. We talked a lot, it was invigorating conversation.
2.) A list we all made of the characters and their style for our movie. Importance: I'm so thankful that they are all helping me bring my vision to life, they are good people and it was a great day.
3.) Tom's visitor's pass. Importance: I'm glad they would come back into the school that they are officially free from during their summer to hang out with me in art class.
4.) A ticket to pur last school play together, You Can't Take It With You. Importance: it basically started everything.
5.) Avengers ticket stub. Importance: what a great movie and a great day with everyone, I conquered my fear of the Superman rollercoaster at six flags!
6.) My Grandmother's journal to her family. Importance: I learned a lot from reading this. Its a journal she kept notes in about being a mother and a wife and getting through family issues. She wrote in it to her future family and I will do the same. Nothing has gotten me more excited for my future as a mother and wife than this journal, its inspiring and motivational.

So thats all for now, but I hope to add to my box of wonders. Hopefully no dead creatures will make the cut though...